Chromexe
by gaybutt
Summary: This is my new review of a mysterious hacked copy of Fire Emblem that I played, in which Rainbow Dash The Pony makes an appearance! Things get even stranger when Chrom kills me and everyone else.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This creepy pasta was inspired by nothing except real life events. This really happened to me in real life.

Chrom . Exe: The Curse of Chrom's

One, day I was busy moderating my Chrom fan blog, Dirty Chrom Confessions, when I received an anonymous email. The email said that they were a big fan of my dirty chrom blog and they had found a cool hacked CD cartridge of Fire Emblem Awakening with some cool new features that they thought I would like. Needless to say, I was very interested. There was an attachment on the E Mail which was the cartridge they were talking about, which I thought might have been kind of illegal but I would break any law for Chrom. I would lay down my life for Chrom without any hesitation. I took the game out of the email and examined the 3DS Card that it was. It said "Chrom Full Stop Exe" on a blank white back ground, which was different from the normal Fire Emblem: The Awakening game card. I got out my 3DS Cronsole and put in the new game card to play this new hacked game. I was already totally boned on in anticipation. Chrom is so hot.

When I started up the game from my 3DS home menu with the special Chrom theme that my dad hacked from Sony onto my game, it was unusual. A weird glitch happened where instead of the usual Start Up thing for fire emblem chrom, Chrom's very super realistic face appeared in the screen and said to me "I am going to stick my sword, Falchion, through a hole in you, much like I often stick my dick through the hole in Falchion?" in a realistic voice that sounded completely real, which is something that the 3DS can't do. What a weird glitch, but I was glad to see Chrom because I love him and I want him to be in the game.

I selected "New Game" from the Main menu screen while the theme song of Chrom was playing on the menu. I made my character a sexy bishy boy, because I hoped this hack added Yaoi Marriage so I could have my otp become real. If it didn't have yaoi marriage I was going to fuckign kill. I would be so mad I would unleash the rage. The game wouldn't let me name my character which is weird. It just automatically put the name in as "Chrom Fuckler" which I thought was good. I selected Casual difficulty of course because if Chrom died that would be bad for me because I want him to decimate my ass and he could not do that if he died.

The game proceeded normally from there, and everything happened normally. Vaike died right after being introduced as usual, because his whole existence is to be a cautionary tale about not forgetting to bring your axes or whatever. It was really realistic and dead blood was everywhere in 3D and some got on my face, but it was weird and laggy how it happened with a super choppy framerate, even though the 3DS should be able to run this game in 3D at a reasonable framerate, but that was normal because Nintendo releases games that can't even run at 30 FPS with the fucking main selling point of their system turned on.

Something that was just wrong and unnatural started happening when the social links between chrom and the side characters started developing. Chrom and Sumia the horse lover were becoming friends! Sumia kept making pies with hyperrealistic blood and human flesh in them for Chrom and he devoured them hungrily, messily, not pausing until he had licked the pie tins clean, in full HD 3D but also still shitty and laggy. He stared at Sumia, covered in blood, for a few minutes until he said "That was delicious. I have never tasted a better pie in my life." Sumia smile. I was different from this, I was not happy at all, I was very mad. I got out my Sumia figurine and ate it in my anger. How dare she steal my pie recipe from me and feed them to Chrom who I love and will fuck. I immediately separated her and Chrom for the rest of forever, keeping them as far apart as possible while i constantly rode Chrom like a horse around the battlefield. Our relationship was beautiful and impenetrable( but i was not impenetrable, if you know what I mean(sex bone))

The cut scenes with me and Chrom went as usual, with the male avatar talking about sword tactics or something and CHrom agreeing. I love him. I told Chrom in the social links that I did not approve of his friendship with Sumia The Vile One and told him that he could not talk to her anymore. He said to me "I will do as you command my love." This was really weird because love between two men is unnatural and Nintendo does not include it in their games. Maybe it was another glitch. I ignored it and did the next mission because I started to realized that this hack is not made by the official nintendo and because garbege hacks like this are bound to have 400 glitches.

In the next battle, Chrom was not under my control as he usually was. He walked across the battle field to Sumia and she started running away in fear. Her horse, Rainbow Dash, was also scared. Dashie said to Sumia "I am scared Sumia I wish I was back in Equestria with my friends." Chrom was very fast and he shoved Rainbow Dash away from Sumia and then, in 3D HD CD ROM, Chrom used his big sword to stab Sumia in the chest 20 times, killing her forever. Dead blood was everywhere, spraying out of her dead corpse wound really realistically in 3D and making a mess all over my nude body and 3DS. This was weird! Allied units aren't supposed to be able to attack each other. What an unusual glitch. Sumia was dead though so I was willing to overlook this new glitch in the long line of glitches in this subpar hack.

Or at least I would have, if Chrom didn't go on to murder like everyone in the game. Like he just kept killing everyone and there was hyperrealistic blood everywhere. God, what a mess. This hack was gonna get my lowest possible rating for sure. I was getting really tired of this so I tried doing a side mission that didn't require Chrom and not selecting him for the mission. But fucking Chrom just appeared anyway and killed everyone again! I was completely out of characters now except for Chrom Fuckler which was gonna make this game really difficult. I did manage to get Chrom and me to the maximum A Rank social link, however, which I was very excited to view.

In the new social link event, Chrom Fuckler went to Chrom, who was as usual stabbing his sword at people, to death. He said to Chrom "Chrom I love strategies and tactics. And you." Chrom said I love you too my one and only. I Will do anything to protect you and make you happy. But before we can be truly happy I will have to destroy all who still lust after my body. The Lavender Town song started playing from my 3DS at this point. It was really loud and realistic so chrom had to kind of yell for me to even hear him. It was really loud, I hate this song. "I will get rid of the last one who loves me other than you..." chrom said and then turned to face to me. "YOU!" He then, in 3D, came out of my gameboy with his sword, and then he took the sword, and lifted it high into the air over me, cackling and laughling, and then started to quickly stab it at me. I readcted in a split second with my gamer reflexes, spinning around and using my spacious ass to grab the sword and break it in half, with my ass. Chrom was surprised by this. "No it can't be... I have to kill you no matter whant!" Not today Chrom said Chrom, taking the game 3DS station and closing the screen. "Noooooo!" chrom sad, as he was sucked back into the game and out of the 3D real world. I had did it. I had stopped Chrom from killing me or whatever. What a weird glitch.

After all this I was so mad that this loser anonymous person sent me this awful shit hack with all these glitches. I used my hack tools to hack their IP address to send them a really angry reply, and tell them that they were banned from viewing my wonderful website, Dirty Chrom Confessions Dot Com, but the IP hack told me that they had died 20 years ago or something. Yet another shitty glitch! God. What a piece of shit hack. I hate people who make hacks and act like they know what they're doing but they put in all these awful glitches because actually they are fools and know nothing and should honestly stop trying to make hacks and let serious people who take this seriously do it right.

When I tried to go to bed that night, the stupid 3DS opened again and chrom tried to murder me with his sword again, and this time I couldn't stop him because my ass was tired from stopping him earlier and he murdered me a bunch. There was a ton of dead blood everywhere and it was super realistic and Lavender Town. Then my 3DS ejected the game disc with out of it and out my window, and it exploded in the night sky which was beautiful.

Anyway all of that happened. I'd give the hack a 1/10. It was terrible. Chrom killed me with a sword and that's not a good thing to have in a hack. I can't even try to play it again because the email deleted itself and the game exploded! I also can't upload the hack to prove that it's real either, because of those things I just said. What an awful, awful hack.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: F


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